Proud to be her Granddaughter

I lost my last grandparent, Chella paati, last Friday (1936- 2nd Dec 2022), and it is difficult for me to say whether there is a painful vacuum in my heart, or if my heart is full of her. As my memories of her flood me, I have come to realize that my life would be a full one, if only I can live it with half the flair with which she lived hers.

She was an extraordinary woman, even by today's standards. And, even more so when she could be associated with a generation that was born almost a hundred years ago, in the pre-independence era of India. She and Jayaram thatha were a couple that one could only dream to emulate. Typical of that era, she was married at the age of 13. Soon after, she lost her father, and thatha brought-in her mother, younger brother and younger sister. Their family slowly grew, and at one point they were providing for their two mothers, her younger siblings, thatha's blind sister, and another of his sister's sons, in addition to seven children of their own! She held that family together with exceptional integrity, and conducted herself in such a way that every one who ever knew her held her in the highest esteem.

Barring the last few years, I cannot recall her ever being an idle woman. I fondly remember her walking briskly around the house attending to various chores, and not tolerating laziness from anyone in her eyesight. If I saw her sitting in the afternoons, it was still with a large book in which she religiously wrote her daily quota of sriramajayam. She was so rigid in her own ways of living, and had strong views on traditional practices, that one may find it difficult to imagine her to be equally progressive in her own way. Right from rationalizing and accepting "love-marriages" to her grandchildren's thoughts on life, she was full of surprises. I remember when one vacation, I was surprised to find a stray dog feely roaming inside and outside my grandmother's home (long after thatha's passing). My first thought was that paati must be extremely disturbed by this, considering her rigid "madi" beliefs, and then my cousin filled me in on the back-story. The dog was found outside their home writhing in pain with a broken leg. While my cousins and uncle took it to a vet, and brought it home, it was apparently paati who sat by it all night patting it and speaking to it soothingly. I realized her humanity was beyond everything else she stood by.

I remember so many animated conversations with her on a variety of topics ranging from cricket to politics, from movies to spirituality. I learnt from her, both about Kapil Dev and Kanchi Maha Periava. I remember how she, who seldom comes to her daughter's home, came to send me off to the US in 2008, with a 500 Rs note in my hand. I treasured it, knowing and believing as everyone else in our large family, that as long as we had money given by her, we would not be poor. To-date, I hold on to the money she gives me separately.

I remember how, when Narasimhan mama once asked me to go with my cousins to their grandparents home in Pudukkottai and I refused, paati suggested that we make it a fun outing, and she joined us and the travels took us all the way to Sussendram and Kanyakumari. When I finished my bachelors and I was getting ready to leave for the USA, I casually lamented to her that my parents do not take me anywhere, and how I wish I could see the great Brihadeeswara temple, atleast for the engineering marvel it is. She instantly made arrangements, and we were on our way the same afternoon. She, my cousin Balaji and me. She not only took me to Tanjore, but she also made a few phone calls to connect with people who could give me an insider's view of the temple. Much beyond my wildest expectations, I actually got to climb into the corridors in the gopuram, looking at the inside architecture, paintings and construction (Of course she did too). She was over 70 years old then! On our way back, I remember her stopping in the Kumbeshwarar temple, and pointing out the decorations on ambal, and the chariot architecture in Sarangapani temple.

She has faced unimaginable sorrows, and travails, but she never stopped living. I remember how tough her life was in the early 90s, with both thatha and Gowri chithi fighting their losing battles with cancer, how she still rallied after their departures, and how we still looked up to her as the pillar of the family, and she never let us believe otherwise. She had a gang of friends with whom she pilgrimaged around the country- Kashi to Kanyakumari, Dwaraka, Somnath to Ayodhya, Mathura and Puri. Her spirit was indefatigable. 

She never offered unsolicited advice (a habit of most elderly people), but when asked, her replies were always unambiguous and showed great clarity of thought. She could be stubborn and adamant, but she was also an epitome of kindness and affection. Every first day of vacation in Parrys corner was marked by my favorite kandanthipilli rasam, kathirika kootu and thirati paal. Her thirattipaal can never be matched by anyone in my lifetime. She continued making it for me until a few years back, when she could no longer stir the milk so continuously. Unfortunately, to my great remorse, I never got to taste the last time she made it for me. Apparently, she misunderstood that I was arriving in Chennai, instead of in Hyderabad when I travelled from the USA. She made my welcome dishes and was waiting for me at her gate. When I never showed, she learnt that I was landing in Hyderabad, and not Chennai. When I did go to visit her, however, she apologized that she did not have the strength to make it one more time.

 Paati @ IIT

Paati always had a calm and smiling face. Her japa mala and sriramajayam book are etched in my mind. I can not recall unkind words she has said of anyone to me, which showed great mental strength. Till the end, when we could all see how her health had deteriorated, she still never complained. I visited her, after her fall last month and when she needed stitches on her head, she never complained. The morning of her death, mama and manni called the ambulance sensing that she was unwell. When asked how she was feeling, she said she was perfectly alright. Her breathing slowed, and she passed away, uncomplaining. She has left a vacuum that can never be filled. I will never be blessed enough to be associated with another such extraordinary woman in my lifetime.

I will always miss you paati, but I hope you do not return for another janma. You have faced everything God threw at you without complaining, down to Mama's death, with your head held high. You suffered unimaginable pains, but you showed all of us the meaning of life. My head will remain bowed to you.

To Diet or Not to Diet...That is the Question. Part 1: Insulin Resistance, Carbohydrates, and what not to eat

A prologue for this is here.

For the first time in my life, I decided to give a diet a shot. My recurring body pains, and low energies needed a solution. Generic advice on better sleep or better food was simply not enough! However, I was not planning on approaching the OPOS initiate program as a diet, but to see which parts of the diet plan I could adopt as a lifestyle change, meaning which parts of the diet plan are sustainable for me. With this in my mind, I enrolled in the OPOS initiate program to ease into a low-carb way of eating. The program was well-structured and not too difficult for me, but I was shocked and surprised by so many aspects of it (like giving up fruits, nuts and seeds), that I decided to delve into my own research. Several months of incessantly reading articles and watching videos by scientists with polar viewpoints, converged me to some beliefs and understanding of my own. I am still constantly experimenting with my own body and my food. While I think most doctors truly believe what they are saying, as a researcher myself, I could see how interpretation of some data and publication can be used to skew our conclusions based on our own biases. Of course, this applies to me as well in my ideas that I am writing here. And, most importantly, we have to look at which industry is sponsoring a particular research or symposium to even take the findings and skewed representations seriously. The best thing in today's world for us to do is experiment on ourselves safely.

I listened to a wide variety of doctors with extreme viewpoints (ex: vegan diet vs. carnivore diet), read some papers myself, and even non-medical practitioners like sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. I was beginning a serious journey into health this time, and wanted to keep an open mind. Some of the youtube channels and doctors I listened mostly to: Dr. Jason Fung, Low-carb diet under, Diet doctor, Dr. Gundry's podcasts, Nutritionfacts.org, Dr. Pal, Eric Berg, Steven Ekberg and even Rujuta Diwekar. I also watched pretty much anything else that started showing up on my feed on health and nutrition by any certified doctor, and sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. I also try to look up the referenced scientific literature where possible. I am  a lacto-vegetarian, who is a devotee of Kanchi Chandrasekhara Sarasawati (and give importance to his advice on food and eating habits which aligns with our traditional wisdom and the Bhagavad Gita). Why am I including spiritual gurus along with doctors? Despite working in science, from my observations so far, I see that age-old wisdom, particularly when it relates to health, is where science approaches after centuries of studies and millions of funded dollars. I also believe that food not only nourishes the body, but also the soul (and the western doctors or the OPOS mentors clearly do not consider such an aspect), and hence the nature (guna) of the food is as important as its chemical composition, macro and micro nutrient breakdown. 

So, what have I learnt so far, of which I am convinced at this time?

INSULIN! Everything I hear or read of late, starts and ends with insulin resistance. All metabolic related issues, such as diabetes, obesity, hypertension and chronic ailments are all related to insulin.  I understand now that insulin is basically a fat-storing hormone ("inhibits lipolysis" in medical terminology). Insulin also follows the circadian rhythm (sunrise to sunset cycle) and works at a lower efficiency after sunset.  Insulin is triggered when food touches our tongues, and to maintain good health, it is important to ensure that we do not keep insulin at a constantly elevated state (arising from eating at regular intervals). This leads to several problems arising from insulin resistance (diabetes/ hypertension/ arthritis) to eventual wear-out of our pancreas (a highly under-rated organ of our body).The insulin's first instinct is to get rid of all the excess blood sugar by pushing it into our cells. Over time, our cells become resistant to the actions of insulin (even a sponge can only hold so much water). So our bodies produce more and more insulin, as the cells become more and more insulin resistant. All this while, we do not suffer symptoms of lifestyle diseases. We would not be diagnosed as a diabetic. Eventually, the body stops producing all that insulin, because of the high insulin resistance, and then the excess blood sugar or other lifestyle diseases start showing themselves in our blood work. So, ideally we should be diagnosed a diabetic when we have high insulin levels, but a normal blood sugar. That would also be the easiest stage to reverse this. Unfortunately, even today, I have to argue with doctors for a prescription to check insulin levels.

But, what I have learnt over the course of this time is that each person's body responds differently to the same diet and lifestyle. While it may manifest as diabetes or obesity in some, it may manifest as joint pains or migraine in some others, and one root cause appears to be insulin resistance. The other major cause for malfunction and different responses in different people is our gut microbiome. I will talk more about gut microbiome in a subsequent post. Insulin resistance is only the tip of the iceberg. All hormones (ghrelin, leptin, cortisol, etc.) in our bodies follow circadian rhythms, and in the last few months I have felt that we need to align our habits to the circadian rhythms as well (more on this in another post), if we want to ensure that our hormones are not out-of-balance and not leading to lifestyle diseases.

Different types of food cause different hormonal responses within our bodies. Modern science breaks it down into the three macros: carbohydrates, proteins and fats. While carbohydrates produce the largest spikes of insulin, and fats the lowest, proteins generate an average response. So carb is the latest devil, while fats are now being celebrated again. But, really, is it all that simple?

Dietitians/ Nutritionists/ Trainers are increasingly moving out of the outdated "calorie-in calorie-out" theory when they talk about weight loss. Despite the "twinkie-diet", people acknowledge that foods of same calories trigger different hormonal responses within the body (common-sense?) and different foods also require different amounts of work/ energy from our body to digest. But, it appears that people do not apply the same common-sense (because the research is polarized, I suppose) when it comes to macros. There is a lot of talk about how all carbs are bad or all fats are bad, but unfortunately our human body is much more complex, and we are clearly a very long way away from really understanding everything about it. And, we will be at ends unless we look at nature first, how we fit into this nature and what effects they have on our minds and bodies. It is not a new fact that our minds can wreak havoc on our health (even certified doctors keep talking about managing stress- a highly simplistic term for the complexity of our mind, but still...). And, we know that our state of physical health plays a role on our minds. 

Diabetic patients will be given medicines to lower blood sugar (a classic addressing the symptoms, rather than the disease). Do the patients get better? No! Year after year of diligently following everything the doctor says, they stay sick and have to in fact slowly increase their dose of medication as well! So, are the medicines making them sicker? Being an arthritis sufferer myself, I can say the same about RA as well. Medicines (whether modern/ traditional) can only do so much to slow the progression of disease and offer temporary relief, but true change is not possible without diet and lifestyle changes. I have gone through several cycles of feeling better and feeling worse (and still do, due to a weak will power, and love for unhealthy food), and I have reached some understanding of what lifestyle habits trigger or alleviate certain symptoms. But, I am digressing. What does modern science say about these macros?

Encel keys appears to be the culprit (with allegedly corrupt agenda) when he demonized all fats and glorified carbs, with a very clear unethical misinterpretation of data that he collected. He is almost single-handedly responsible for the hole mankind has dug ourselves into over the last fifty years) He started off the low-fat high carb trend of foods, to the great profit of sugar industry and the junk food industry. People have gotten sicker and sicker in the last fifty years, but the food and pharma industries will have us believe that it has nothing to do with food. I now agree with the group that says fats are not the devil. What fats are OK, and in-fact essential for maintaining our body's balance? Again, the scientific community will break it down into saturated/ unsaturated/ polyunsaturated, short chain, medium chain long chain blah blah blah. You can find that information if you are interested, from better scientific sources than my blog. But, the biggest take away I converged on was that it is not only OK to eat some fats (not a lot as some extreme views suggest), but also essential for health, and some have done wonders to my body. A very simplistic abridgement of the detailed theses is that HEALTHY fats are essential to transport fat soluble vitamins (A, D, E, K), also help in triggering our satiety hormones while eating (and hence do not make us crave for junk food), keep us full for longer, and do not spike our insulin levels. Now, why is this last point important? This periodic spiking of our insulin levels is what leads to our energy patterns during the day. A heavy meal with lot of carbs and unhealthy fats make us drowsy. A light meal with a soup and salad keeps us light and alert. This is no secret. But, then we cannot sustain on soups and salads, can we? We will be hungry in no time. And that is the role of the healthy fat in keeping us satiated without affecting our energy levels.

The "fats are good" band also are usually part of the "carbs are all bad" band-wagon. Carbs can be simple or complex (pun intended) depending on how processed the food is. Broadly, we can classify them into resistant starches (potato family, raw banana, etc.), processed carbs (rice, wheat, flours), ultraprocessed carbs (anything packaged- biscuits, chips, bread, etc.) , vegetables, and fruits. 

Throw out the ultra processed carbs in your kitchen right now. Walk in there and throw it in the dustbin, and no arguments, if you want your health to take a turn for the better. I used to think I am only eating two biscuits in the morning and two in the evening, it is not such a big deal. Absolutely, it is a very big deal. First couple of days when I went without ultraprocessed foods (biscuits, etc.) were hard, then there were drug withdrawal like symptoms, and headaches and cravings, and even a disinterest to get out of bed! The sixth day was like magic! I will never forget it in my life! I woke up feeling ten years younger, with spirits of a five year old. That was my first step towards addressing the fatigue I mentioned in my prologue. Throwing out ultraprocessed garbage (not worth calling foods) did wonders.

Processed carbs is more tricky because they have become a staple of our diet. We do not know what to eat if we cannot eat rice, wheat or flours. What we can do is perhaps to eat the least processed version of these items (hand pounded rice, chakki atta, etc.). Here again, with just me as a data point, and some scattered literature to support it, I would say we should eat whatever grains are local to us. I was eating wheat in some form or the other (roti, upma, etc.) atleast one meal every single day 365 days of a year, thinking it to be totally healthy, but now I have come to believe it is not so. There may be two reasons for this, which is true, I am not sure. Firstly, wheat didnot come to south India until the great rice famine in the 60s. We are not genetically conditioned to process wheat at all. In the time scale of evolution, 60 years is perhaps equivalent to a micro second on a 24 hour time-scale. Secondly, today's wheat flour (packaged in a supermarket with infinite shelflife) is either genetically modified for being pest resistant, or has added gluten to increase shelf life. Research funded by organizations which are indirectly tied to the wheat industry will say that gluten allergy is a fad, and only patients with celiac disease need to avoid gluten. I disagree. Anything artificially modified against nature is something our body struggles to process.  I stopped eating wheat everyday. My joint pains disappeared in a week. While my RA has been more or less in remission, I had a wrist pain which varies in severity, but was always there the last thirteen years. A week of quitting wheat and refined oils (I will address this later), that wrist pain was gone..after thirteen years. My mother quit wheat, her sugar levels dropped. She gets tempted and eats wheat on one day. Next day, her sugar is up by ten points. If anybody who is reading this is an RA sufferer, you know what that joint pain is. Is the wheat worth all that!? I find that rice suits me better. I am probably genetically conditioned to process rice better. As I said in my prologue, this has to be a personal experiment for each person, but, most of us would not dream that wheat may be a culprit, as we have been brainwashed to think it is healthier by the wheat industry.

Fruits are tricky. I believe these are absolutely healthy when eaten in moderation, when we eat locally grown fruits, and preferably organic. Fruits we have today are not the same that grew fifty years ago. We have manipulated them to taste sweeter, look more vibrant, last longer, and they are heavy on a variety of pesticides. Some fruit varieties even have twenty or thirty different types of pesticides on them. This is to increase their lives from the farm to our homes in far-off cities. In Chennai, I may be better off eating bananas and coconuts, which are grown in every corner of the state, rather than eat something coming all the way from far off-places in the north, or worse "imported". But, pesticides apart, the arguments against fruits all revolve around fructose. Sugar typically consists of glucose and fructose. While glucose is sent into liver, muscles and our tissue cells, fructose is sent straight into the liver. The liver can only take so much and stores the rest of it as visceral fat. This visceral fat is supposedly the root cause of many of our problems. If you have a belly, you have visceral fat. We run into the danger of thinking of ourselves as thin or fat based on our overall body structures. But, of late, I realize how super skinny people also have a decent sized belly, meaning they have visceral fat, which impedes the functions of our liver, pancreas, kidney, and slowly lead to plaque accumulation in our arteries leading to the heart or brain, resulting in heart diseases and strokes. Few decades ago, the obvious rationale when some one is diagnosed with a liver disease is that they must be alcoholic. Today, the visceral fat that all of us have accumulated has led to the coining of a non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). This is usually undiagnosed, unless it is accompanied with other severe health conditions. But, it is a safe assumption to say that an obese person has NAFLD. So, one who is intent on reversing NAFLD, may do well to avoid fruits completely, until the condition has reversed. It will allow the liver to rest and heal. This has been a well documented diet change for NAFLD. For others, we can eat locally grown fruits in moderation, and preferably not after 4 PM. I will explain this in further detail in a subsequent post, but know that it ties to the circadian rhythm of insulin and its efficacy in processing certain foods after a certain time of the day.

Non-starchy vegetables are the best. Yes, they too have a ton of pesticides, but not only are they high in fiber, but they are also the most nutritionally dense food for vegetarians. Even a few keto-practitioner doctors (diet plan that denounces all carbohydrates) recommend not counting the carbohydrates from vegetables, as they are very close chemically to the ketone chemical formula (I do not want to go into the chemistry here). I eat plenty of vegetables, with no restriction, and I have not found any problems yet with this food group at all, either for me (with RA), or my mother (with diabetes).

Resistant starches are healthy if eaten in its unprocessed form. Potato is ok, not potato chips! We know this already, it is just a reiteration. The reason is not just because it is deep fried, but we are taking it farther and farther away from how we find it in nature. We are all a part of nature...we are all one living organism. Man made variations do not assimilate integrally into this as easily. No, what I am saying can be dubbed as utter nonsense by "pure scientists" or as "pseudo science". But, this is my experience, and one needs to experience this for oneself. Man made things in every aspect of our life has been slowly destroying the planet. Man-made food is not food. We fry things in oil, which is processed. We have, over the last few decades, started frying in refined oils, which are ultra-processed. It is mortifying to learn how refined oils are made. They are nothing but industrial waste, processed with de-odorizers, and deodorants, and flavor enhancers to make them edible. They donot have an immediate health reaction, but they are the worst things to consume. This is slow poison, and that is a fact that you can experience yourself. You like fried food? Fry it on rare occasions in unrefined (cold pressed/ virgin) oils or in ghee. An educated counter-argument is that we cannot fry in unrefined oils because the smoke point is too low, and the oil will decompose too quickly. Ghee has an extremely high smoke point, and can even be reused safely after frying once. Coconut oil is one unrefined oil which has a high enough smoke point to withstand frying. There may be others, but I am not aware of them. In a recent conversation with my father regarding this, he suddenly realized that my grandmother fried things only in virgin coconut oil in his childhood, but switched to refined palm oils, when they were marketed as being the healthier oil, and also made widely and cheaply available. The last point to remember when we talk about fried foods is this: remember that in our parents childhood, fried foods were usually home-made, and even then restricted to janmashtami, diwali and weddings. Today, these are available in every tiny box-shop in the country and made by frying in industrial waste, packaged with a list of ingredients that we do not even recognize. How were we brainwashed into thinking that nature (our wonderful human bodies) would seamlessly integrate this filth without repercussions?

And usage of refined oils is not restricted to deep frying, we have switched over to refined oils in every aspect (whether making sabjis, making chapati dough, or greasing our dosas).

Summary: Minimize processed foods, stop eating ultra processed foods, wheat and refined oils completely, cold turkey. Tell me you do not feel better in a month, and I would genuinely be interested in learning why.

In the next posts, I will talk more about essential fats, proteins, different diets that have seemingly reversed people's conditions, ayurvedic principles, and very importantly when to eat, and when not to eat. And, what role does our gut microbiome play in our health?

To Diet or Not to Diet...That is the Question. Prologue

I have had a poor body image, probably since I was 15 years old. Initially, I never anything thought could be done about it. It was only after my second year of college, one summer, that I first experienced the joy (intense pain) of exercise. I was not even much of a mirror looker, and it was hard to realize in salwaar kameez, that I started looking fitter. But, when I returned home and to college, people voiced it, and I was pleasantly surprised. But, dieting was never on my mind. I did try to stay more physically active however.

The weight always slowly added up, and I would always fall back on some physical activity like jogging or badminton to rein it back temporarily. A shocking diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 23, was when I took to yoga (Tejas Yoga by Yannis in Houston, Texas), and had progressed so well that I was doing over an hour of yoga everyday, and was really feeling fit despite my pains. RA had also introduced me to an ayurvedic doctor who recommended some minor changes to my diet (like avoiding tamarind, etc.), but nothing significant. There was also a doctor back in Ahmedabad (courtesy Vacha) who recommended I fast two days a week! I did not really know why, but I did it anyway (with lots of fruits and fruit juices, which now I think I should have skipped as well). Although I now understand it much better, this was the first time I thought even minutely about the food that I was pumping into my system.

After a few months, I started training with a personal physical trainer three times a week. Along with his brutal strength and cardio training workouts, he questioned everything I ate. His recommendation was that I eat six small meals a day! He did not try to change what I was eating, mostly because I was usually eating home-cooked vegetarian meals. I was amazed that I was asked to eat so often, and accepted his reasoning with some limited articles I read on the internet (ignorant then of google's search bias). To be fair, several doctors and dietitians still think of this as the best diet for overall body fitness (now, I am sure this is just a bad idea for people with normal lifestyles. It may work for cinema actors or sports people who spend several hours a day on fitness). Again, my primary motive was not weight loss, but to make myself fit, build muscle strength (to help my joints) and feel energetic. Over the next several months of following all his instructions, I looked leaner and more toned than I had in high school, lost inches but did not lose weight.

Fast forward ten years, with several brief weeks of exercising, counting calories, pulling back a couple of kilos, gaining them and some more.. I was slowly and unhappily accepting that I had a bad metabolism, and there is not much I can do about it. This counting calories was tiresome and not sustainable. The fitness regimens that I chose were not sustainable. I always consoled myself that I was on the higher side of a normal bmi, and maybe it was not the end of the world. My weight six months after I delivered a baby put me well into the overweight category (despite not gaining much during the pregnancy) gave me a serious wake up call, and I decided something had to be done about it, and I fell back on my usual "eating in moderation". Of course, it works, and I steadily dropped the kilos over the next six months and hit a plateau with just more mindful eating, and insignificant exercise. The weight plateaued 3 kgs over my pre-pregnancy weight, and I was convinced that only exercise could break the barrier, but found no motivation to start any exercise regimen. "Luckily" for me, covid lockdown happened and I was juggling a lot more things at home and work, with full time baby-care, household chores and office work. Yaay, the weight steadily dropped again over the next six months! By the end of 2020, I was three kilos lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight, but that was not to last!

What happened? I am not sure...I relaxed in Hyderabad with my parents, and they came back with me to help out. Maybe I started eating more (although it did not seem like it). Maybe I was also eating more junk food? Or maybe I was not moving as much because of shared household work? Whatever it was, in the next six months, I did pile back the three excess kilos, and the scale was still steadily climbing. Once again, while the weight did not make me feel pretty, it was the way I felt mentally and physically that really bothered me. I was constantly tired both physically and mentally. I was having recurring joint pains in my wrist, shoulder and back, and I was just an irritable, short-tempered mess. The fact was that I was less physically fit than both my parents who are twice my age! It was at this point that I really decided that this had to stop now, before it was too late. This was now a time for drastic measures!

During this time, I was also seeing a lot of posts in the OPOS support group on facebook about their Transform programs, the weight-losses and diabetes reversal. I was intrigued, but did not really want to join. I was fairly sure that I would see some results if I was disciplined on their program, but I have never really explored any diets, as I personally do not feel any diet vastly different from the way I normally eat would be sustainable. And then, they introduced the "Initiate" program, that eased the participants into a low-carb way of eating in a month, and I decided to give it a shot (drastic measures). I started the program intending to do it fully no matter what, and see what happens.

It is now close to two months since I finished the Initiate program. I lost about 7 kilos in the last three months, but I feel younger and more energetic than I have in several years. BUT, in the last three months, I have learnt so much about our eating styles, food choices and lifestyle diseases along with my experiments as an RA patient, and my mother's who is a fifteen year diagnosed type 2 diabetic, that I shall pen them down in the next post.

Life During a Pandemic

I learnt what a pandemic means only recently. We are six months into the Covid-19 pandemic, and things are only getting nastier every day. We have moved from this stage of intense fear, to intense drudgery and frustration, and now slowly accepting life as it is, and learning to live life a whole new way.

I never had illusions that this pandemic would end anytime before a year at the earliest, even when it started. That did not make it easier. The first few weeks, while filled with dread about the disease, did not dampen the spirits too much. I was working harder than I ever had..sweeping, mopping, dishes, BABY SITTING  a toddler who was just learning to assert her independence and opinions on everything, teaching, research, and then feeding all night. After a few weeks, this drudgery turned into a disease of the mind...there was no weekend, no break, no vacation in sight, no going to the beach, no watching a movie...heck, we are afraid even of the grocery stores! What is this fear..and what is this life? But, I knew deep down that nature is trying to heal, and teach us humans a lesson!

We have fallen irreversibly into an abyss of materialistic and unsustainable lifestyle. The covid has taught us that it is in-fact possible to stay home and not venture out, unless necessary (thereby reducing pollution, and frivolous expenses like shopping, and dining). It has been a lesson in minimalist living, and things that were an indispensable part of life six months ago are actually not at all essential. I have learnt to value people and, value their contribution in making my life simpler, whether it is the iron man, or the house maid. I like that people finally are forced to undertake small weddings, and avoid crowding sacred temples, which have become outward displays of extravagance and piety.

I have started learning to accept that we have to face life in the right spirit. While we cannot throw caution to the winds, one cannot live life by hiding indefinitely or avoiding the inevitable...what will be will be. It terrifies me that our child's caretaker is about to come back next week to us amidst a worsening pandemic, but it appears that we only have ourselves to blame. We have made choices in our lives that we have to live with, and face their consequences.

Is the pandemic about to take over my life, or am I going to be successful in learning to live with whatever blows the virus is about to throw on me? I pray that we get away easy. Will I be so lucky?

In India...In God's Own Land - Part IV (Ahobilam)

    It has been my mother's ten year long wish to visit this prodigious residence of Lord Lakshmi Narasimha. During my week long stay at Hyderabad with my parents, when the topic of Ahobilam came up in casual conversation, I looked at my mother, and said let's go day-after-tomorrow. Amma looked at me with both eagerness and apprehension. She has been told that she would not be able to do this on her leg (three surgeries on one leg in the recent years), and my father is also too old to do this. Nevertheless, we decided that it was now-or-never. Coincidentally, the day of our visit coincided with swati nakshatram (the birth star of Lord Narasimha) and Ekadasi.

    We boarded a train from Secunderabad to Kurnool at 730 AM. The train reached Kurnool at 1 PM. We hired a taxi to take us to Ahobilam (We paid 3000 Rs. that included the return journey. I strongly suspect we overpaid atleast 500 Rs.), and reached the temple town at 430 PM. This delay was mainly due to the difficulty in negotiating with taxi-cab rentals. The ideal way would have been to make the 400 km long journey from Hyderabad to Ahobilam by car, or take a bus from Hyderabad to Allagedda, and another one from Allagedda to cover the last 30 kms to Ahobilam. We are not a particularly bus-loving family, so we chose the more time-consuming way to travel. We also experienced a brief, and joyful delay due to a herd of cows heading back home along the road. Having been completely brought up in a city, I have never see so many cows (over 300) at one time, all calm and gentle.

    We stayed at the Malolan guest house, which is conveniently located adjacent to the Prahlada Varadha Narasmihaswamy temple. The manager, Mr. Badrinarayanan appears to make all the big decisions in the town related to where people stay, what they eat, and how much they pay autos/ jeeps to travel within the town. We also partook all of our meals at the Ahobila Mutt adjoining the guest house. The meals were very simple fare, but was extremely tasty, and felt like home food. The room that we stayed in also was very simple. Nothing extraordinary, but it was clean, and the window overlooked the gopuram of the Prahlada Varadha temple. So, we were quite satisfied with the stay. We paid Rs.800 for 28 hours of stay in the room. The meals are part of voluntary donation towards the annadanam scheme of the Ahobila Mutt. Most people in Ahobilam are conversant with both tamil and telugu.

    The main temples in Ahobilam all close by 5-530 PM, making us too late to visit any of the principal deities among the "Nava-Narasimha" temples. The Prahlada Varadha temple is, however, open until 830 PM. After quickly refreshing ourselves, we walked to have a glorious darshan of the Lord Narasimhaswamy and Amrithavalli. Here we found out that there would be a viswaroopa darshanam the following morning at 5 AM (on the day of swati nakshatra), followed by an abhisekham and tirumanjanam. We paid Rs. 500 to take part in this service (only two people are allowed per ticket), and returned to the guest house to retire early for the night.

    The next morning, we attended the viswaroopa darshanam as planned, and returned to the guest house by 7 AM. At that time, the breakfast (hot pongal and sambar) was served at the mutt, and we departed with an assigned guide by 8 AM. Only my father expressed a mild disappointment that we did not get chakkara pongal as prasadam after the abishekam. We took an auto to a parking point that is 250 steps below the Ahobila Narasimha temple. We started climbing this first flight of stairs at 840 AM. After a wonderful darshan of the Ugra Narasimha (the presider over Guru/Jupiter) who resides in a cave, we were called back by the temple sevaks who were bringing out a hot pot of prasadam. (Anyone's guess what it was? Steaming hot chakkara pongal). This brought a 1000 W smile to my father's face, and any apprehension he had until then about being able to make the upcoming strenuous climb vanished from his mind. The real climbing test only starts at this point.

    We began an arduous trek through the hills, through rivulets and boulders. While some people were pious and strong-hearted enough to do this barefoot, we wore shoes. I silently asked Adisesha to forgive my transgression. (The hills are believed to be the manifestation of Adisesha. Srisailam is supposed to be at his tail, Ahobilam at his stomach, and Tirumala at his hood.). I was thankful for the guide who hand-held my father and saved him from a couple of slips on the rocks from turning into anything disastrous. Three kms and several steps later, we found ourselves at the Jwala Narasimha temple. This is the location where Narasimha swamy held the demon Hiranyakashipu on his lap, and killed him with his claws. The temple has three idols of the God in an ugra (angry) form. The first one shows him breaking out of a pillar. The second shows him fighting with Hiranyakashipu, and the third shows him tearing out his stomach. The idol shows him holding the hands and legs of the asura on his lap with two of his hands, tearing him open with two other hands, wearing a garland of his entrails with two more hands, and holding his signature conch (sanghu), and the wheel (chakra) in his last two hands. This idol is the controller of Mars (or sevvai) among the navagrahas, and worshipping him is said to remove doshas (or imbalances) pertaining to that graha. A pond of fresh water adjacent to the temple  is known as rakta kunda, where Narasimha washed himself after slaying the demon Hiranyakashipu. Due to the eminence of Swati nakshatram, there was a larger crowd than usual at these temples, but nothing that a city person does not see on a festival day at a local neighborhood temple. We finished our darshan by 10 AM, and started heading downwards. 

    After descending from Jwala Narasimha, we started the ascent towards Malola Narasimha Swamy. Here, the God is in a calm posture, while embracing Goddess Lakshmi ("ma"). This deity controls Shukran or the planet Venus. We reached Malola at 11 AM, and it was smooth descending from this point on. On our way back, we also had the darshan of Varaha Narasimha temple, where he is in the form of Varaha (boar), with his snout embracing Bhoomi devi (Lakshmi). Here, he controls the Rahu graha.

Ugra Stambam

     We reached the parking lot by 1145 AM. From here, we hired another Auto to take us to Karanja Narasimha (Chandran/ Moon), Chatravata Narasimha (Ketu graha) and Yogananda Narasimha (controller of Sani/ Saturn) temples. At Karanja, He is believed to have given darshan to Anjaneya Swamy. Lord Hanuman didnot recognize Narasimha Swamy, until he gave a darshan with a bow and arrow, three eyes, and a serpent hood. The symbolism educates that he is no different from Rama or Shiva. At Chatravata, he is smiling, and seems to be enjoying some music. Lastly, at Yogananda, the God is in a yogic posture. This is where he taught Prahlada (his foremost devotee, and the son and heir to Hiranyakashipu) the science of Yoga. Having successfully visited seven of the "nava-Narasimha" temples in the morning, we returned to the Mutt at 1 PM.

    While climbing the hills in the morning, I constantly reassured my parents that only this part of the journey would be difficult, and it would be smooth sailing henceforth. All  further deities could be visited with vehicles taking us to the temple doorstep. How wrong I was! While it was true that the walking was minimal since the return from Varaha Narasimha temple, the afternoon was no less challenging! After a quick lunch, we hired a jeep, shared with three others (A total of eight people including the driver) to take us to Pavana Narasimha (presider over Mercury/ Budhan) and Bhargava Narasimha (Sun/ Suryan) temples. 

    This journey was in many ways more arduous than climbing the hills. Pavana Narasimha is located deep within a forest which has no roads to speak of. The jeeps are in a terrible condition (I imagine even a brand new jeep will only last three trips into the forest before reaching such a state), and the path into the forest is full of boulders, trees scratching the sides, and paths that tilt the jeep 60-70 degrees on each side with alarming frequency. As there were some old ladies in our group, my father and I made the mistake of taking the back seat in the jeep. The ride to the temple takes one and a half hours, with over an hour inside the forest. Every joint in my body was aching, with multiple hits to my head. I can't even imagine what my poor father went through. I was much more vocal with my complaining. The forest department check-post midway through the forest does not allow visitors after 330 PM. After our darshan here, and expiating sins of all our prior janmams, we were ready to head back out of the forest. It was on our return journey, that my father's seat in the jeep suddenly broke. As there were no handles to hold on to in that treacherous road, he was holding on tightly to the bottom of the seat. This resulted in him injuring his finger. We arrested the profuse bleeding temporarily with some cloth, but it did not look good. There was no doctor between the forest and Ahobilam, without passing through the Bhargava temple as well. We visited the last of the nine temples, and headed back to Ahobilam and a doctor, who gave proper care to his finger. The cut was deep enough to expose his veins. The jeep driver completely absolved himself of any moral responsibility. The lesson here is to completely avoid the back seat in this jeep, and carry a first-aid kit. Sit in the middle or in the front if you must. I sat in the middle seat for a while on our return, and there is no doubt that the journey was infinitely more tolerable. I should add: infinitely more safe.

    After a successful completion of darshan of the nine deities on the day of Swati nakshatram, we took a bus to Allagedda from Ahobilam at 815 PM. We reached Allagedda at 9 PM, and boarded a volvo bus to Hyderabad at 11 PM. We reached Hyderabad at 5 AM the next morning with no further incidents.

    The difficulty in accessing majority of these temples has kept the number of visitors at a manageable level. It is because of this, the nature around this place is also well-preserved, and offers a serene and divine setting to this wonderful place of pilgrimage. Despite our minor mishap at Pavana, I hope that they do not develop the roads too much, which will only destroy the forests completely.