Life During a Pandemic

I learnt what a pandemic means only recently. We are six months into the Covid-19 pandemic, and things are only getting nastier every day. We have moved from this stage of intense fear, to intense drudgery and frustration, and now slowly accepting life as it is, and learning to live life a whole new way.

I never had illusions that this pandemic would end anytime before a year at the earliest, even when it started. That did not make it easier. The first few weeks, while filled with dread about the disease, did not dampen the spirits too much. I was working harder than I ever had..sweeping, mopping, dishes, BABY SITTING  a toddler who was just learning to assert her independence and opinions on everything, teaching, research, and then feeding all night. After a few weeks, this drudgery turned into a disease of the mind...there was no weekend, no break, no vacation in sight, no going to the beach, no watching a movie...heck, we are afraid even of the grocery stores! What is this fear..and what is this life? But, I knew deep down that nature is trying to heal, and teach us humans a lesson!

We have fallen irreversibly into an abyss of materialistic and unsustainable lifestyle. The covid has taught us that it is in-fact possible to stay home and not venture out, unless necessary (thereby reducing pollution, and frivolous expenses like shopping, and dining). It has been a lesson in minimalist living, and things that were an indispensable part of life six months ago are actually not at all essential. I have learnt to value people and, value their contribution in making my life simpler, whether it is the iron man, or the house maid. I like that people finally are forced to undertake small weddings, and avoid crowding sacred temples, which have become outward displays of extravagance and piety.

I have started learning to accept that we have to face life in the right spirit. While we cannot throw caution to the winds, one cannot live life by hiding indefinitely or avoiding the inevitable...what will be will be. It terrifies me that our child's caretaker is about to come back next week to us amidst a worsening pandemic, but it appears that we only have ourselves to blame. We have made choices in our lives that we have to live with, and face their consequences.

Is the pandemic about to take over my life, or am I going to be successful in learning to live with whatever blows the virus is about to throw on me? I pray that we get away easy. Will I be so lucky?

Time to Stand and Stare

I was trying to work in my office this evening when I decided to take a walk in the campus. I tried to clear all the million thoughts in my head, and focus only on the trees, grass, and flowers. I was caressing the flowers as I walked by them, and feeling the dew on the leaves as I walked by. The experience was immensely uplifting and relaxing, to say the least, and I have decided to do this more often.While walking I was reminded of this poem by William Henry Davies (obviously I was not completely free of thoughts !)..

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.

No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare. 

These are a few of My Favorite Things

The smell of summer’s first rain

The waft of wind across jasmine plants

The sound of a gushing waterfall

The dew of a mountainside

The stars in a desert sky

These are a few of my favorite things

मातृ देवो भव ...Once again

With all the recent well deserved hype around the issue of rapes in our country, I went back to read a post(मातृ देवो भव) of mine from 3 years ago. I realized that my anger is unabated, and my ideas are unchanged. It is true that we need tougher laws and more responsible law-enforcers. But, what about us? What about the disease in the minds of these men of my country? What sort of hell breeds such base monstrous evil in human minds? For the women's sake we need tough laws, but for the men, is there any hope? Can the evil in their minds be cured?

Education is undoubtedly a pillar of progressive thought, but there is evidently a missing component of moral upbringing. I am curious to know what section of  society these offenders come from, what sort of family setting they grew up in, and their childhood experiences. This statistic will be useful ,not as a political agenda of discrimination, but to analyze and possibly chart a method for improved morality.

As a developing country, we concern ourselves with improved quality of life, higher literacy, and a higher number of college graduates (irrespective of whether the purpose of education is achieved), but in-spite of the very obvious decline in morality in all sections of the society, we neither hear nor ask for improving that. We can safely agree that growing up in a "good" family plays a big role in an individual's sense of right and wrong, but it is not just the fact  that the parents are righteous people, it is the importance they gave to moral and spiritual education. I have said before in other posts, and I only grow more convinced of it, there is no hope for us as a nation when we insist on turning our backs on the importance of moral and spiritual development that is inherent to our nature.

As more and more NGOs are reaching out to the economically backward sections of our society, and taking modern education to their doorstep, I pray that there is some emphasis on moral education as well. It can be done without obeisance to any particular religion, Jataka tales can be as instructive as stories from the Ramayan.

Our laws and policies must be geared towards an ideal society, where evil is not contained, but eradicated; where men and women live with mutual respect; where all cravings of the mind and heart lose to our love for mankind. 

Battle with Winter

The leaves are gone

The limbs are creaking

The trees are forlorn

Winter is speaking

The colors are missing

The sky is misty

The cold is menacing

Winter is feisty

Life’s spirit is all around

The weather’s gloom despite

Joy and laughter abound

Winter is only inside

Spring is around the corner

Bringing change not hope

Dreams make the days warmer

Winter has yet another stoke

The tougher trees will bloom

Nature is designed to revive

The Sun will defeat the gloom

Or will Winter again survive?

HA- I am not Alone in my Insanity

Some people who read my precious article Will India Be Great Again? have found my ideas too archaic/ radical, or too negative and condescending in the context of India now largely being built on imitations. Today, I stumbled upon this article by Koenrad Elst, and it gave me goosebumps to read a whole exposition on what I had merely stated in four lines. Well, if I am wrong, atleast I am in intellectual and scholarly company.

The notable difference though is that he has specifically made his criticisms against Hindus  while I wrote a generalized "we". However, in the context of my article it is the same. In the glorious era that I talked about, we were almost a completely Hindu nation, and still populate 80% of this country.

Please do read it, and please give it consideration, before rejecting it out rightly..

Hindu Survival - Koenrad Elst

Will India be Great Again?

Will India ever regain her past glory is a question lot of Indians ask longingly? What have we done though to regain her greatness? Why were we great a few thousand years ago? When and where did this degeneration start? In that age when we were truly great; morally, intellectually spiritually there were few counterparts. This is not a statement made out of my blind patriotism; history, art, architecture and immense volumes of literature are testimony to this fact. I consider it very significant that all of it was native to the land, her people and reflected her culture, and ideas. The essence was of contentment, of pride in our own beliefs, and ideas. We never shirked away from expressing who we were, be it in art at Khajuraho, or harsh vedic rites. No matter how distasteful or pointless some of it may seem today to the new age.

Can we say the same for ourselves today? We have foregone everything inherent to our innermost natures, indeed we are actually ashamed of it. We have tried to imitate the west in everything that we do. Our architecture is not original, our literature follows plot patterns from the west, our movies are cheap imitations of other tinsel-towns across the globe, and our own traditional clothes are as novel to us as they are to foreigners. Even Tagore and Satyajit Ray are artists from history's back pages, to be read about and admired, but not to be emulated. This is the glorious new Shining India, engaged in a complete transformation based on imitations. Imitations of countries that have about a 100 years of history to testify their greatness. Greatness only visible through economic splendor, no hallmarks of contentment.

If we are successful in our endeavor, we will be great in that sense too. But, we will never be as great, because we will still be just that...an imitation, even if a good one. But to answer the first question that was posed, no, we will never be great again if we continue on this route. Because, I do not believe we will be successful in our endeavor of imitation. No matter how hard we try and pretend that our way of life is repulsive, and that there is need for complete upheaval, we have not been able to put our hearts and souls into it. The society still reeks of unforgotten past,  some grudging pride, and some meaningless devotion to other lingering attributes. We have to fully let go to manufacture a good imitation.

Or we can let go of this charade, acknowledge our strengths, weaknesses, all of them, and start afresh building a new civilization that is original and realistic. I think in that path, there is a hope for greatness.

What is Wrong with the World Today

      If you start out thinking in your mind that the answer to the above question is "nothing", then this post is obviously not aimed at you, for you have through great austerities reached a mental equilibrium where no external forces can disturb your peace, or have been simply to lucky to have been unexposed to sorrow or to have been blind to social injustice. However, I, as a commoner wonder what other people think is wrong with the world today, and whether their answers will go on to prove my own theories.

    To state the answer simply, people have no principles anymore. We have forgotten what principles actually mean, and people who exert strong opinions on the claims of uncompromising principles are just deluded in self created blur over principles and pleasures. Let me first present my case to people who do actually believe that there has to be some reason or rhyme to this existence of ours, albeit incomprehensible. I shall pose a few questions towards the end of  this blog to those who believe otherwise.

      When we set our "principles", what do they really achieve? "Good" people are principled in that they do not steal, or lie, or break the law. So far, so good. But, why do we believe that these qualities comprise good principles? Because, they help us to be better people, and we presumably care about becoming better people because we are not endowed with intelligence and wisdom, and put onto this Earth simply to lead depraved and indolent lives. But, today's society is far more complex than it was 4000 years ago, when these simple virtues were substantial to define a man's character, and by extension, the society's character. Today, we seem to have formulated and unquestioningly accepted a new standard for principles which no longer seek to improve our personal integrity, character, or contribute in anyway to making this life of ours more meaningful or at least move towards something that could hope to make this life more meaningful. These "principles" now address the need to be more economically, and socially powerful. For example, many "good" people believe and accept that social drinking is not only acceptable, but necessary because it is rude not to do so in a gathering and might hurt our status among our peers and colleagues, thereby affecting our chances to move up the fabled corporate ladders. Some argue that this is morally no different from adopting the prescribed dress code at work or in society even when this was not our preferred choice of attire. Unfortunately this only reinforces my understanding that we have completely blurred out the meaning of "principles". 

      I see no need to quote any scripture of any religion to exert that stealing and lying are despicable traits. For as long as history can remember, humans across continents and over thousands of years have expostulated through laws and religions that these are unfavorable and punishable traits. This is a self- realized truth, or in mathematical terms, a Law of human nature.

    Back to my example, we have to work, because we need to clothe and feed ourselves to live in this world.  It is an inevitable need of existence. Compromising something as superficial as a choice of clothing only to follow a work-code is a compromise of one's pleasure in order to facilitate one's basic function for an existence in the physical world. However, drinking is a matter of pleasure, and in some hypocritical cases only to elevate oneself in the workforce by appearing contemporary. Drinking is however slow poison to our bodies, quick death to our minds and cobweb over the brain. (Being drunk is an extreme situation not relevant to me. One does not need to be drunk in order to diminish these faculties; three sips are enough to initiate the process). All three faculties in that order are essential to us in understanding and moving towards a more meaningful existence. I urge my reader to understand that my issue here is not with people's drinking habits, but it has been used as an example to show how our principles in general are not concerned with making us into more moral or duty-bound people. When people deny the relevance of any act in impeding this progress, they testify my statement that people have no principles. When people justify the necessity of an act in the context of economic and social progress, they have blurred the lines between principles and pleasures, as defined in the preceding paragraph.

  Let me now redefine good people as those who are committed to the progress of man’s very existence, not single-mindedly involved in mundane idiosyncrasies.  The issue of drinking is only one tip of many icebergs. If we assess the relevance and necessity of every single act of our lives, we will be forced to conclude that a majority of them are in pursuit of pleasures. In other words, society as a whole is increasingly moving away from a path of inherent progress. With this as the fundamental nature of today’s society, we have no right to expect anything other than the sorrows and anomalies we perceive around us. 

     For those who do not believe that life has any greater purpose other than the attainment of self established goals and the “pursuit of happiness”, why do you believe that it is only your goals and your pursuit of happiness that has been sanctioned? Why is the thief down the alley not allowed to pursue his own happiness and his own fancies? What is the need for the law and order in our society, if there was no meaning to being good or being bad? Acting according to one’s own conscience seems to be the general laughable norm of this age; (I wonder what defines conscience and who defines it) if this is the right way of living, why is there so much suffering and unhappiness among conscientious people? Conscience should not be defined as a product of any scriptures or religious texts, for it is unscientific to reject their rhetoric on purpose of one's life but accept the means to achieve that very purpose. This only creates a paradoxical situation inducing one to redefine portions of "prescribed right way of life" according to one's own convenience. If conscience was another self-evident "Law of human nature", no two people should disagree on what is right and what is wrong. On the contrary, no two people completely agree on every single right and wrong in this world. The problem with conscience is that it is an exceptionally relative term, and as of today, there are 6 billion frames of reference for conscience, with a different value in each frame of reference. How can this then be an acceptable universal value of life?

      This is what is wrong with the world today: a mangled understanding of principles, and self-placating desire to act according to one’s own conscience instead of evaluating our progress towards making every individual life count for their time on this planet.

                       

The Means Matter Too

A symbol of poise and balance

 Prologue:
Achieving a goal is important, but I think the route one takes to get there is even more important. Hiking up a mountain allows one to enjoy a more exhilarated view from the top than simply driving up to it. On paper two people may have the same degrees from the same colleges. But it is easy to imagine that one person may have given one's heart and soul to knowledge, and in that process picked up a degree, while the other was simply picking up the degree for no greater purpose. It is also easy to concede that this difference in means reflects in the character of everything that one may do, be it in life or at work.

Why are we then so encompassed in the final outcome of an issue? Goals set the direction...if they are the reason, we can only rob ourselves out of the pure joy of the journey...

The real story:
Sachin's 100th 100 is a celebration of the journey, not the goal. For those of you who find his achievement vile, drop some materialism out of your thoughts. It is not about the pure statistics of his game, but the means he has employed to achieve this that should give one inspiration. Even on the day before the Bangladesh match, he was at the nets for a full practice session with the extras while the rest of the team took off.  That reminds that one can never take anything for granted, no matter how good you are and how unlucky you have been you need to keep trying harder, even harder, and even harder.
There has not been a season in over the last decade when mediocre performances have not evoked calls to leave the game. Even 13 years of international cricket was more than many were lucky to see. He showed us that the world may be against us, but  if there is a a breach in self confidence and efforts, one will be left with only oneself to blame. Universal approbation as a goal can be a lot worse than risking universal censure.

I am not going to enumerate all his achievements, for that could only be tedious repetition.But, even after all these years, I find it faintly amusing that he cannot go for his doctor's appointment without invoking conspiracy theories involving rifts with  Rahul Dravid. Has not anyone missed important occasions in the course of one's life due to  other circumstances? Why is that  any different? Rahul Dravid was a perfect gentleman by not offering any words of praise for a man who was not present at the meeting. If he had done one former team mate a favor, he would have been a victim of more conspiracy theories on account of not having praised other greats in his time. I am sure that Sachin was perfectly aware of sparking these controversies, but universal popularity had never been his goal. In the end, he had to do the right thing to keep his commitments for the upcoming cricket matches and be fit for that. That is what he cares about, and that is his priority.

Epilogue:
Forget cricket, if you can indeed forget his cover drives...but take a moment to understand how he leads his life and pursues his passions. Even if you  can concede his greatness grudgingly, you are on your way to being a more successful person.

Abyss of Human Virtues?

"The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense."- Jane Austen in Pride and Prejudice
This line struck a chord in me while I was re-reading Pride and Prejudice this week, it may be because I have been increasingly mystified by inconsistencies of human behavior.
Why are we so fickle minded to let our opinions change based on partial understanding of circumstances? Why cannot people appreciate the good in someone? Should it really  not  be easy to appreciate and praise somebody than criticize? Does not criticism require a more thorough understanding of the other person's situation in life, and at least some proof of having carried one's own self in better fashion?
Even where there is genuine criticism,  why are people so reluctant to even consider the possibility of merit?
Why get offended at everything?
Why are people's memories and gratification so poor that only people with artifice can consciously make it possible to remain universally popular?
Why is it necessary to view everything in this world starting from a friend's unintentional misbehavior to a world cricket champion's good performance with the same cynical eye?
Why have we become so bad that we have lost trust in the goodness of beings?
Why is it so hard to accept people and incidents at face value?
Why are people obsessed with  pleasing, and gaining approval from even those people who don't matter?
Why are we sunk so low to attach a material measure to every trait of human behavior?

Can we forget this and simply enjoy  the pure joy and innocence it all could be, if only we would let it be.

Curing Only the Symptoms

The world has been spiraling in one long downward roller coaster ride ever since the industrial revolution. Perhaps  there have been a few breathers where we have coasted along and felt pleased at all the achievements and exhilaration, but I do not believe that the power holders have once looked forward to see where we are headed. I say world here because no country has proved to be an exception.

Undoubtedly, one may argue that it has been progress like progress never been seen before. But all the new technologies and gadgets have come with a price. We have become so consumerist in nature that most people feel that buying and owning new things can truly make them happy. It does, for a while and once the euphoria wears out, we are back for more and then for more and now we have trapped ourselves into believing that all of this is an essential part of life without which we cannot live. We are in a worse state than drug addicts, because we have no one to cure us. The rare ones who transcend are also labeled as the society’s parsimonious outcasts.

It is common crisis of the mid twenty-ists and the mid forty- ists to be unsure of where they are headed, and what would make them really happy. They all end up making a few life style/ career changes which keeps them going for a few years, and to that sporadic nagging voice murmur connivingly that happiness is after all a disciplined state of mind, and nothing more. Have we spotted the trap yet? How many people really examine the purpose of this ride? Why are we really doing the things we are doing? Ask yourself five consecutive “whys” to your answers and see where you stand.  Even while we have become so good at analyzing complicated problems at work and common mishaps, why do most people shy away from collating their own lives? I think it is because people believe there are no real answers. And that could make one feel even more discouraged than when they started. But I believe that the darker path will have a light at the end, while the seemingly lighter path really goes on forever.

And I think it is this inherent human nature that reflects on everything the society does, on everything a terrorist or a common thug does, on every bill passed and every shallow reform. I am not trying to insinuate that we as a human race are incapable of finding permanent solutions, but yes I do think that the ability is only restricted to simple and straightforward issues.  For instance, let us look at the first few news headlines of today. I am going to quote here random picks from today’s news, but you are free to add yesterday’s and tomorrow’s news to the corollary.

1.       US Debt Ceiling and spending cuts to cut costs of ~$2.1T over the next ten years- How did that solve any problem? No Congressman has had the guts to stand in front of the American people and tell them in as many words “Friends, we have been spending way more than we can afford, and unless we change this in every single home, we are completely doomed”.  Unless the problem is openly acknowledged, there is never going to be a long term solution. The reason being that people are so used to this lifestyle and wastage inherent in a capitalist society, that even the notion of examining this could careen the nation.

2.       Cabinet yet again cleared a Rs.1200 Cr bailout for Air India- This could give rise to multiple questions. First, is money Air India’s biggest problem? When people fly over 25 hours round the globe, nobody wants to be stuck in an aircraft with uncouth and rude air hostesses, perennial flight delays, baggage misplacements and dirty toilets! While the government continues to hire inefficient people based on recommendations and reservations instead of merit, there is no hope for the future. Another more pertinent question: Is it the business of the government to run airlines? Has the government in India ever been good at running or managing anything other than individual bank accounts? If Manmohan Singh is really an honest man trapped in a stronghold of corruption, why does he not dare to come forward and testify against every corrupt politician of his acquaintance? Empty statements and thoughtless policies will not take us anywhere forward.

3.       Dhoni laments tired India- ???.  I have idolized Sachin nearly all my life but this man who is supposed to be the master of all preparation has finally fallen in my eyes. He claimed back in April that everything he has ever done was all towards that moment- the moment where India would hold the world cup. Sadly, it seems he along with everyone else in the cricket team has lost sight of the goal of excellence. How would any conscientious person prefer to tire themselves playing IPL, the most deplorable form of cricket to make a quick buck, choose to sit out the West Indies tour and play test matches in England against a top English team with no preparation what so ever?  West Indies might play a vapid bunch of 11 people, and yet playing them on Caribbean grounds would have been preparation at the very least. Zaheer’s hamstring injury and Harbhajan’s abdominal tear were no accidents.  Why again, are they all playing cricket for the country? Personal pride? Money? If they asked themselves this question, they might hope to realize that national pride is not even among the answer choices.

 “Too much Cricket/too much terror/ too much competition” are symptoms of the real problems, and those need to be addressed, but they are not the causes.

All Questions Lead to One

Oh,why? Why this cruel smile?
Must I cry or simply smile

Suffer might I to stay afloat?
Pull not with a cripply smile

Was flying spark heavenly light?
fizzling out my wimpy smile

Then why my bottomless depths?
you smirk at my limply smile

Is the game a mighty puzzle?
There seem clues in impy smile

Do the questions have answers?
Or exist to evoke a grizzly smile

Why a phoenix if fire is to end?
Answer not with that frisky smile

My experiments with the "ghazal" continue. I still have not tried to adhere to a beher, and although I find the "radif" tiring sometimes (It does not sound quite as natural to me in English as in Urdu/ Hindi), I see the necessity of using it to give structure to my lines.

Break the Fetter

Round and round
spiralling in a box
gravity bound
In the dark of nox

She tries to fly
with might need she try?
Nay, for she is her gravity
Her night,imprisoned by infidelity


Farther she searches , farther
Until she can see no more
Oh, why now demur?
Only the mirror shows her foe

An impetus to grow
A spark to ignite
A brake to her tow
Her friend,the fear inspite

Her only prisoner
Her only saviour
Are both one another
Save the mind before she wither

Response to Comments on Previous Post

This is in response to many comments I got(not just the ones who were good enough sports to share their views openly)on my last blog. For the record, I would like to note that so far I have more approvals. This is heartening for I could have wept otherwise.

Firstly, that blog was not a personal attack on anyone. I am too out of touch with all your lives to know or care how you live. So there is no need to get offended . Just like you claim your right to break a few more links in the society to which I also have a right, I have my right to express my opinion and hope a fool's hope to keep people like me from being extinct. I cannot always tone it moderate to appease my readers.

Secondly, I donot care a cent about how you live, I want you to care about how you live. There is a difference, and you need to understand that.

Thirdly, do read and post comments only if you care to go through the whole thing and respond with an open mind. I am not here to preach to anyone, but just to influence atleast 1 reader. If you have already made up your mind, go no further and continue your blissful existence.On the other hand, if you too hope to change my mind, then read on!

This particular post is not a debate between love and arranged marriages, I might like to take that up on some other day, but not here. It is about being in a relationship and being married/ with intentions to get married or being in a relationship and deliberately choosing to be unmarried.

I shall reiterate that if one spends enough time understanding how any culture evolved and degrades, one will have to figure the family system in the equation. Are people disagreeing with me of the opinion that our mothers lead a worthless life. Did they make all those sacrifices for us ,encouraging us to be what we are proud of being today just so we can stand on our "independent" feet and claim that they added no value to the society. So if they too had been selfish and had thought only about themselves, I gather our world would have been a better place to live in. For believe me, maybe the next generation will not see the impact of this shortsightedness, but a few generations down will..that too only if they are lucky enough to realize their loss.

OK, I understand when people say they donot want the hassle of a marriage, the whole big package, the responsibilities and the commitments, and that they are not ready for it. I DONOT have an objection to not getting married. That is indeed one's personal choice. But I have an objection to spreading the epidemic of a mindless and meaningless existence in the same society where I have a part, and my children will too. If one doesnot want to perform their dharma, then one should atleast have a damn good excuse up their sleeve for their time on this Earth. Be it Mother Teresa style or Isaac Newton style or Mirabai style.

I currently reside in a country where this started spreading maybe about two generations back. Not all people I know approve of this, but they already do not even have a choice. Some of their parents and grandparents lived without the concept of a family. One person I know was at his work all day instead of at the funeral when his sister died, because he said he was not close to her. That is all very well, but look at his life and grapple a meaning out of it. He makes loads of money, he does not have any ties that he can be sure will not break, so he tries to lead his life for himself because only that is permanent for him. I pity him and many others like him. I cannot even blame him, for he did not have the choice that our generation is faced with today. What, may I ask is the purpose of this purely materialistic and carnal way of life? We might as well be born animals, if we cannot do something better with our intellect.

No matter which type of lifestyle one chooses, there should be a constant aim to transcend from one mental plane to the other. Random wandering without any bearing of where you are going is futile. I am not talking about this body, but one's soul..for it has a much longer journey , the length of it depending on how much time one aims to waste without any progress in mental level. Acknowledging that is the very first step. Acknowledging a futile existence is better than simply living through it. One needs to look at the bigger picture.

One person actually said that staying married to one single person is no longer a viable option because of globalization and our mobile careers, and claims that this is better than repeatedly obtaining divorces. Any comment I make here on this statement will be inappropriate in my blog.

One person says we are mature enough to not be influenced by others. I am afraid we over estimate our race, and there is a lot of rot involved in the statement (Sorry for the rudeness, but so were you). Because wherever I look in the world, people are influenced by something or someone and there is this mad craving to "fit-in". If history shows anything, it is that people are easily influenced. Why, history itself is written by the most influential piece of write-up.What is easy becomes popular, and what  is popular becomes an accepted norm of life. One's political knowledge is limited by what the media presents to us. Our consumer knowledge is limited to what the advertisements present to us. One cannot buy a simple product or good without reading/ obtaining a 100 other reviews and suggestions. One would not go to a business meeting in summer in cotton T-shirts and shorts just because it makes sense. We do it, because we have to follow the norms at some places. One will not wear a dress if the whole world says it makes them look ugly. If the human race is indeed above such dependence, why is there a furor every time somebody influential makes an inappropriate remark. He/ she is accused of causing discord among people. Why care if Raj Thackrey makes insane remarks, the human race is above all that, isn't it? Why does not someone tell S.Tendulkar that he is wasting his time and efforts in setting an example, for people cannot be influenced. Most of today's adolescent and youth problems ranging from drinking to anorexia are a product of peer influence. If indeed people cannot be influenced, there would not have been a Hitler, a Gandhi or a Karl Marx. The human race thrives on influence.

There is no "right or wrong" in this situation: Wrong period

When one is faced with two options in life, the easier one is most likely the wrong one. One who cannot stay married to one person, will find the option of not mating with anyone harder I suppose.

I cannot force anyone to my views, and I would not grab hold of some one and give a lecture, for I have no wish to preach like I said. Someday, maybe this will be a part of the digital remains, and  someone might atleast realize their loss and what might have been.. This is not aimed at any individual, so please tone down your comments.But I wish I too had the right to live the way I like and bring up my children the way I like but that becomes more and more impossible when we live not in seclusion.

Omnipresent Irksome Human Flies

This post comes out in an hour of frustration but this recent incident in my life only re-emphasizes my dislike of people of a certain kind and my dislike at the fact that the world is full of such people. I know hate is a very strong word, but I hate it when people have no respect for another person's time and efforts. I know for a fact that most people do not think it is a big deal to tell a friend that they will meet him/ her at a particular time and come 20 minutes/ half an hour/ one hour late without a moral justification. The only thing they could say is that they never thought it to be a big deal. Its just a meeting with a friend and not an interview for a job. I HATE THAT ATTITUDE. My time is more valuable than sitting in a coffee shop or standing in a bus stop looking at my watch. You might have nothing better to do..but I most certainly do!
Now that that is out of my system, I will come to the incident that makes me disbelieve that there are a lot of fair minded people in this world whose thoughts and responses take into account people other than themselves.
I have been looking to move out into a 2 bedroom apartment (living alone until now) for various personal reasons. I have been looking for room mates for almost two months now. I stoppped when this seemingly nice girl agreed and it did not looklike we were going to have major unaccepatble differences. I was willing to look for an apartment with her, but she made excuses (at the time I thought they were genuine) about not having enough time to spare, and when she did she made not just me but my mother wait for her for 40 minutes as well (No respect for time or for someone's age either!). Then she went on a two week vacation out of the country. Meanwhile I braved the texas heat, spent days and weekends looking for apartments, sending her pictures detail information, floor plans, making international calls...all because I did not want the apartment to be my own choice and make some one feel like they had no say in the matter.
She agreed to one apartment, I signed the application. Next day she wanted me to change the apartment to a different flloor in the same complex, I took timeoff work and went there to get that changed. Everything seemed to be going fine until she came back to Houston. She took a week to go see the apartment, she wanted me to go along (I waited half an hour for her in scorching heat although her commute was less than half of mine). She saw the original one and the one we got it changed too...she decided she likes the original one better..I sayd it was ok with me whatever she decided (Was I being too nice? ). She dilly dallied for quite a while and decided to keep things unchanged. I was relieved and I went home. I got a call the next day saying she had decided to continue the lease in her current apartment for a lot of personal reasons she had no wish to be vocal about! Awesome great!!!

I have invested a lot of fruitless time and effort for some one else too so far and have less than 5 days to find another room mate(extremely unlikely) and less than 10 days to find another apartment to move within 2/3 days after finding it (I also work rememeber?). And I am going to have to pay twice the amount I am currently paying in rent because Miss. Inconsiderate left me with no time for anything...Ok, I donot blame her for coming up with personal problems..after all they might be genuine. All I am asking is she atleast pay the penalty for her change of mind by bearing the deposit that I gave at this apartment complex..and we can still be friends...

Is that fair or what???? But, no..it so happens that Ms. Inconsiderate is also Ms.Amoral. She says she is just being professional about the whole deal and I am getting carried away by asking her to do what is only fair!!!
I am at her mercy because I was physically present here and made the payments? What if she was here and I had allowed her to make the deposits???
Oh hell!!! I hate this whole lot of people...if you are one such person too, then please do not incur a person's righteous curse by neglecting to do the right thing ...all for a paltry some of money. Please do not be late without reason no matter what the purpose of such a meeting is!

I do not have to curse her..my experience with life has taught me that nothing good you dont deserve never peranently stays with you..She thinks she is saving herself a couple of hundred dollars..haha, but I know she is going to lose it in some other form along the journey.

Joy of Small Things

This is something that happened to me almost a month back but the incident is still so vivid in my memory that it acts as a tonic to my soul when it is not in it's best spirits. I parked my car and headed towards a doctor's house. Before I finished crossing the breadth of the small front lawn, something (turned out to be someone) hurtled towards me and gave me a squeezing hug. I wanted to look at him and I bent down (his head did not even reach up to my waist) . Before I could take in his bright smile fully, he gave me a kiss on each of my cheeks! I tried to hold on to him because I badly wanted to kiss him back but he was already running away from me. This three year old kid was running round and round the garden and each time he passed me, he would make it a point to kiss my cheek or forehead or my fingers( I was seated on a swing) and not once did he let me hold him and return the favor. I just could not get enough of him and was really disappointed when his mother came out and took him away. I went after them (leaving my doc waiting) for one last kiss, and he obliged.
I felt a little sad that I would probably never see him again( for I heard that he lives in Alaska) but am extremely happy about the memory that was created in five minutes. People come and go in our lives, and every person leaves an imprint on us however light it may be. I wish Sammy all the happiness in his life and I hope he lights up the lives of all people who are fortunate to meet him.

The (non) Terminal Spirit

This is the first time I am writing about a movie I watched but "The Terminal" was so rejuvenating that I feel the need to share my experience. The entire movie is shot in the International lounge and terminal of the John F Kennedy airport in New York. The first 20 minutes of the movie made me wonder if I really needed to watch something so sad and spoil 2 hrs of my weekend. I felt sad not because of on screen tears or terrors but because of what I anticipated from the rest of the movie. How wrong I was!
Tom Hanks in the lead role instead of stirring sympathies with his plight (which the audience would have readily given) through his actions gave me food for thought. His unbeatable spirit and his unwavering sight on the purpose of his life is hard for me to expect from anyone I know. At the end of the movie, I questioned myself how I would have reacted to every situation this man faced and had to accept the hard truth. I have an uphill climb towards high spiritedness.
My reaction and my co-audiences reaction to the movie also reinforced my belief in a fact of life. The reactions that one gets from friends or people around depend to a good extent on how the person handles situations. A show of self pity and bad tempers can evoke only ridicule or rebukes which will in all probability pull down one's self confidence even lower. On the other hand, any display of a fighting spirit bring more people to lend their moral support in appreciation of the true effort one is making. This encouragement can take a person 10 times farther than they would have originally done so.
A very thought provoking and highly enjoyable movie. If you havent watched it in all these years like me, then I highly recommend it!

Life is Not Always Like This

Can commitment and support make tragedy feel a little less tragic? Read this story and tell me what strikes you about it apart from the obvious..

CHENNAI: Nirmala Shankar got married on November 30. She had everything on her — the make-up, wedding sari, jewels and flower garlands — just like a

perfect bride. But she also had a piece of a bullet stuck to the frontal lobe on the right side of her brain. It had hit her head when the terrorists opened fire at the Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus on November 26, as she was waiting to catch a train to start a new life in Chennai.

Nirmala had quit her job in the HR department in Mumbai-based Edelweiss Securities to settle down in Chennai with K Shankar Narayanan, a manager with Shell India. "We first met on September 13 and the following day our families decided on the wedding plans," she says.

Eventually, the couple did keep their date, but it took a lot of doing. Four days before the wedding, while the prospective bride and her family were waiting to board the Chennai Mail at CST, Nirmala was among the 100 seriously injured in the firing.

Shot in the head, she was rushed to St George's Hospital and later JJ Hospital, Mumbai. With the hospital teeming with casualties and doctors weighed down by VIP visits and media scrutiny, her family overnight decided to move her to Chennai for better attention. Her father, Ponnudurai, who works with RBI, then brought her back to Chennai, against medical advice.

Nirmala told her family she did not want the wedding to be called off. "I met my fiance the next time in the hospital on Thursday with the injury. We decided nothing would change our wedding plans," she says.

The same day, medical tests confirmed there was shrapnel in the frontal lobe of her brain. When Nirmala's father took her reports to a neurosurgeon at Apollo Specialities, doctors confirmed she would require immediate surgery.

"But the family did not want to postpone the wedding. We had little option but to put the patient on a broad spectrum antibiotic to ensure that the infection did not spread. The injection had to be taken every 12 hours," says L Murugan, neurosurgeon, Apollo Specialities Hospital.

"I was a little scared," says Shankar. "It was raining and the doctors had told me to ensure that she didn't get her head wet. But it was the third time we were meeting and I couldn't say no to her. So we did everything as per plan, shopping included," he says, drawing her close.

Twenty-four hours later, the two families and their relatives gathered for the reception followed by the muhurtham on Sunday morning.

The next day, Shankar and Nirmala walked into the hospital for her surgery. The doctors performed a minimal access brain surgery using neuro-navigation, where they drilled into the skull with an intra-operative ultrasonogram and laser.

"It's like a GPS. We track the metal piece on the computer screen and then remove it with minimal cuts. We did see some more metal pieces scattered on the scalp but we did not remove it as they were too tiny. But she has responded well and is likely to be discharged on Wednesday," Dr Murugan says.

Now Nirmala plans to return to Mumbai for further treatment. "It's the place I grew up. It's my city and I love it. Nothing can change that. I would want to go there for my treatment and return when I am fine," she says smiling at Shankar, who nods in approval.

This is not just a story, it is very real.

Calvin is in everyone -I

Click on Image to enlarge